Best Grift Ever!

“Hey, Cletus! Come looka here! Done look like a golf cart gone and fucked a soccer mama van.”

Gray rolled his eyes behind the mirrored sunglasses. He sat behind the wheel of a maroon Ford Escape Hybrid that he had rented on arrival. “Cooter?” he asked for the man’s attention. Gray could not believe that the first person he got to talk to after leaving the Nashville airport was a man named ‘Cooter’…nor that Cooter actually wore a name tag proudly saying so.

“Yessir?” Cooter sauntered over to the driver side window. He wore a grey mechanic suit with strategically placed oil splashes. He pulled his blue Tennessee Titans hat off and wiped his brow on his sleeve. His head was tanned and bald except for the fring of dark hair ringing it.

Gray tustled his own salt and pepper hair. He had got a buzz cut before this trip knowing how hot it would be. His white tank top showed his well muscled pale shoulders. “Listen, Cooter…is this going to take long? I have an appointment.”

“Your here for the auction, ain’t ya?”

Gray sighed and nodded.

“I just want Cletus to see your car. Should only be a minute.”

Gray looked out at the road on his passenger side and watched the tumbleweed pass…real tumbleweed. Shaking his head, he turned back and watched Cooter, through the mirror, topping up his gas tank.

Then Cletus came out.

Cletus was not a ‘he’. She was blonde, had legs that went up to Mount Olympus, and had very light chocolate skin. Her hair was straight and down her back. Her pink tank top was over very short blue jean cut-off shorts, and then sneakers. “Cooter?” she called across from the retail store door to the gas station. “Whatchyou needin’ me for?”

Gray smiled as her southern accent was seductive.

“A golf cart…” Cooter pointed at Gray’s truck. “…gone and fucked a soccer mama van.”

Cletus shook her head and folded her arms. “Cooter Jay Cribbs, that ain’t even a bit funny. You get your ass inside and I’ll finish this.”

Cooter tipped his hat at Gray and jogged with his belly shaking to the door and disappeared inside.

Cletus checked the pump and walked to Gray’s window. “I sorry. Forgive Cooter. He’s, ahh…uncooth I think is the word.”

Gray gave her a wide smile and pulled his sunglasses down on his nose so she would see his eyes checking her out. “No problem, what so ever.”

“That’s forty-five, please. You’re not from round here, are ya?” She leaned her arms on the truck window.

“Just here for the auction. Flew in from Calgary this morning.”

“Oh, Calgary, that gorgeous Iginla fella plays for your hockey team, don’t he?”

Gray nodded.

“So where ya staying?”

Gray pulled cash from her pocket as he felt her hand on his blue jean thigh. His smile grew wider.

Cooter flipped through the new issue of Forbes. Hearing the bell above the door jingle, he watched Cletus come in.

Her big brown eyes grinned at him. “So?” she asked.

“My futures are down again. Hope you did better.”

She nodded. “Invite to his hotel room for some horizontal mamba.”

Cooter glanced out the window and watched Gray’s truck peel away. “What a putz. He’ll never know what hit him.”

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