Heavy Cloud, No Rain

Get to watch the sunrise from the inside of a bus this morning.

It is about 15 minutes to seven AM and I will be playing in Toronto”s core with architects and designers again today. Have been told this will be at least a monthly thing until June or so.

It is cold enough that I am wearing long johns under the dress pants.

Last night I found out my ex girlfriend has a new fella. Happy for her and we will continue to be friends, but there is still this itching of sadness at the back of my skull. Regardless, seems this cowboy’s horse riding days are done. No euphemism intended.

Considering the complete lack of response on the dating site I use…been more than two months since I have had a response other than “Read Delete”…seems I have no realistic singles in my life at the moment…and makes me wonder what is wrong with me so that there is absolutely no interest.

Went on a few dates with some very nice women over the past few months, but I think I am finally at a point where I will not settle for just anyone again…that leads to ex wives. This leaves me in an awkward place as I do not want to be alone either.

Am I a beggar, or a chooser?

The dating game, it seems, has changed since I was last truly part of it. Not for the better, either.

It used to be that one would go to the bar…offer to buy an intriguing lass a drink…she would say “no thank you”…a gentleman tips his hat and moves on. At least it was usually polite for those of us nice and respectful guys.

As usual, the idiots ruined this with their disrespect for women. With the invention of online dating, the women have lowered their politeness bar to “Read Delete”…or even “Unread Delete”. Being I put a lot of effort into my initial messages to women, I find this most disturbing and depressing. Much as they claim abs, cars and such are not important…well, it seems they are more important than wit, creativity and personality. It seems that funny falls into the category of “weird”…as opposed to superficial which falls into “fantasy”.

All I want is to make someone happy that is not geographically challenged. Remember the last girlfriend I mentioned…that was her only problem as she was fantastic otherwise. All I want is someone to play with whom, after the hair pulling is done, we can still talk and neither of us has to run off all the time.

I have done a lot of good things in my 41 years, but I do not make six figures…I have no need to make that much. I do not work out 24/7. I do not go on African safaris on a whim. I do not do beaches…in fact, due to my Irishly pale skin I do not do much sun light for fear of skin cancer. I do support my children from a previous relationship. I am not in debt (bankers hate me). I do actually think about things rather than blundering in and blaming someone else for the mess I made later.

Seems I am happy with most of the parts of my life…except this.

This is too hard. I will not compete with the abs and sport cars because I simply cannot.

I give up. *shrug*

Sun still has not come up and I do not think it will be coming up for a while.


  1. It seems we’re both thinking the same thing this morning – I also did a “being single” blog this morning. Singles life when you long for companionship sucks…then again, so does married life when they’re not right for you…or no longer interested in your needs.

    To be honest, I don’t intend to try to find companionship. If it doesn’t come then I will cope…if it does come, I’m no longer interested in making decisions based on romantic ideals so there has to be more than just love and romance.

    No conclusions from that except this is where I am now and I’m not taking on the part-time job of searching for companionship. Instead, I’m living my life as it is and investing in other things…like work.

    Ugh – that doesn’t sound as good keyed out as it did in my head.


    1. You’re right. It all sounds good in our heads until we write it down. Then the word “but” starts forming in the brain.

      Been walking around downtown all morning. Gorgeous people, and no eye contact. We’re all too busy in our bubbles to look at anyone around us. Afraid they might alter our comfort zone or something. Rather sad.

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