Awkward Vulcan Sex Rituals

Author’s note:  This is the second episode of the Sensual Nerdism series.

Photo by R. Measel Photography
Photo by R. Measel Photography

“You know, when i dreamed about being stuck on a deserted planet with a gorgeous woman, there was no torpedo.” Dr McCoy walked around the torpedo to begin his work.

Milton turned top Ness. “We know how it is going to end, what is the use of watching it?”

Ness’ eyes never left the screen. “Shut the fuck up and watch the movie.”

“Yeah, dude, shut the fuck up.”  Lex glanced over quickly and back to the screen.

“She is gorgeous,” Ness whispered.

Both Milton and Lex turned slowly towards her, mouths agape.

Milton spoke first, “Really?”

“I didn’t know you were into girls,” Lex seconded.

“Last time was when I was in university…”

Milton’s mouth fell further open.  “You experimented with lesbianism?”

“Shhhh!!!” Someone behind them was not impressed.

“The term is bi, Milton,” she corrected.  “I suppose I am what they would call bi-curious.”

“I thought we were watching the movie,” Lex complained.  “Look, McCoy’s arm is caught.”

“That’s why I invited Ivy over.”

“Ivy?” both men asked together.

“Where are we supposed to go?” Lex asked, now having lost track of the film.

The voice came from behind, “Would you guys shut up, or should I call security?”

Milton already had ideas.  “I hear John and Mark are running a new Call of Cthulhu game that we could join.”

“No,” Ness said sternly.


“I want a foursome,” Ness continued.

“What?” Milton asked.

“What?” Lex asked.

“Can I be of some assistance?” the voice behind them asked.

Ness turned to face the chivalrous offer and was taken back by the jock sitting in the row behind them.  She estimated that he was the same weight as Milton and Lex combined, but all muscle and raw unshaven jaw.  “Maybe…we’ll talk after the movie.”

And after the film they did talk.  Ness found out that the jock’s name was Andrew and he played football for a local semi-pro team…some position called linebacker.  The fact that he had no idea who the captain of the Enterprise was…a film he had just sat through…nor that he knew a word of Klingon did not faze her.

Milton and Lex waited in the corner, texting each other idioms about random access memory that left them both in stitches.  Both were, however, still confused as to just how Ivy was going to fit into their poly relationship with Ness.

As they walked home on the nighttime streets, Milton could hold it in no longer, “When is Ivy coming over?”

“Andrew will pick her up,” Ness answered quickly, hiding a grin. She pulled her parka tightly around her for more warmth.

Lex tried making smoke rings with the white breath the cold weather was causing…and failed.

“Who’s Andrew?” Milton asked.

Lex had a better question, “Do Ivy or Andrew play D&D?”

Ness laughed.  “Andrew is the guy who was behind us at the movie.  He and Ivy should be at our place within the hour…and no, I don’t think they play D&D.”

Milton and Lex exchanged glances.  In unison they both said, “Tonight?”

“Well, technically tomorrow as we are nearly midnight.”

Milton scolded, “Don’t you try your technicalities on us, miss.”

“I am Vulcan, sir.  We embrace technicalities,” Lex quoted with a chuckle.

“Good one,” Milton encouraged.  “That was a good movie.”

Photo by Joel Davis-Aldridge
Photo by Joel Davis-Aldridge

“Yeah, but we missed Colbert…you did remember to PVR him, right Milton?” Ness lifted her eyes briefly to look at his wild afro-like hair.

“Of course I did….wait, what channel was he on?”

With little hope of seeing that evening’s Colbert Report, they walked in silence for a moment, save the continual crunching of the snow beneath their boots.

“Wait a tick,” Milton held his finger out in front of him as a thought occurred.

“What is it, Milton?” Ness asked in an annoyed tone.

“You said you wanted a foursome.  Now there will be five.  How do we do that?”

Lex shook his head.  “If they don’t play D&D, will they play Cthulhu?”

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