Sneaker Snark I

Photo by Leland Francisco
Photo by Leland Francisco

Being a superhero is not a walk in the park. I still remember when mom first realized I could turn invisible…she was in bed with that jerk of a boyfriend…um…I don’t remember his name. There were so many, and they were all jerks.

When my only super power is invisibility, that gets awkward, too.  All these other bozos out there have strength, laser eyes, and pecs until tomorrow…I can’t even get the girls to look at me.

Have you any idea how hard it is to get a manicure when you’re invisible?

Speaking of which, how is there an entire industry based on nails with all these little shops filled with Chinese immigrant workers?  Where is Madge and her Palmolive?  Is this how the Chinese plan to invade?  One nail salon at a time…

The best part is when I get to sneak into places like the cheerleader locker rooms at the football games.  When the boys play at home, well…it is not the sensual thing I dreamt of as a kid, but still those women are fucking gorgeous.

The biggest downfall, of course, is winter.  Freezes the gonads off trying to battle crime in winter when one must be naked in order to win.  Again…invisibility sucks, and rarely in a good way.  The number of hoodies I own for when I want to see is redonkulous.

At least I have Lesley…she sucks in a good way.  A very good way.  And I swear that song “Crazy Bitch” was written about her.  Then again, what woman could possibly have an open relationship with an invisible dude and not be considered a crazy bitch.  No doubt some of her friends don’t even believe I exist…assuming she tells them about the invisible Adonis that she fucks whenever he comes by.

Speaking of which, think I will head over there now.  Enjoy your weekend, people!  Stay sexy and remember, if you see random footprints in the snow…don’t step on my feet.  I’m not into pain.

Oh, and being this is my first post on this new blog, guess I should introduce myself.  I won’t give away too much, a la Dr. Horrible…but my name is Steve…you can call me The Sneaker.

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